How we think the fight will go
Sure, Revan’s single-handedly dispatched Mandalorian Crusaders, Jedi Knights, and Sith Lords, but he’s never gone up against Nova Costra’s ace gofer, a brazen, foul-mouthed, skateboarding spitfire who surfs traffic for a living. Y.T. (short for “Yours Truly”) ain’t no ramp turd and when Revan tries to stop her from delivering an envelope full of glitterstim spice she immediately gains an early lead as she carves, grinds, skids, and kickflips circles around him, her retractable smartwheels enabling her to skitter walls and bank off the ceilings. Her enemy thoroughly confounded and bound by the Jedi code (Revan’s no chick-puncher), Y.T. presses her advantage and subjects the reeling Jedi to a flurry of blows, pokes, and stabs before lobbing a bundy stunner at him.
Revan regains his senses in the nick of time and leaps away from the stunner. The kamikaze Kourier fires her poon gun (as in “harpoon,” kids), its magnetic cable affixing itself to Revan’s armor, and yanks hard, bringing the Jedi crashing to the ground. As she reaches for a can of Liquid Knuckles, Revan applies a judiciously-placed burst of Force lightning that reverberates down the length of the poon cable and short circuits Y.T.’s smartwheels. She loses her grip on the ceiling and face plants.
“Smooth move, Ex-Lax,” Y.T. mutters. Dabbing a trickle of blood from her nose and whipping out a deliverator gun given to her by her bud, Hiro Protagonist, she lets loose a barrage of tiny darts that fly at the speed of sound. But Revan’s reflexes are blisteringly fast; he ignites his green-bladed lightsaber with a snap-hiss, battering the projectiles to the side. This guy’s got even more moves than Hiro! thinks Y.T. as she tosses another bundy stunner. But Revan’s standed all he can stands and he can’t stands no more. He decides to end this dance by Force-hurling it back at her as it detonates, its shock-wave flattening her. While she’s dazed he shackles her with her own shock cuffs and makes off with her contraband.
Predicted Winner: Revan
NOTE: THIS MATCH ENDS ON THURSDAY, MARCH 8th, 2012, AT 5 PM, EST
Revan is a character from Star Wars (Lucasfilm, Ltd); Y.T. is a character from Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson
Revan image courtesy of Lucasfilm, Ltd and Del Rey Books . Y.T. image courtesy of Spectra Books
Cage Match fans: We are looking forward to hearing your responses! If possible, please abstain from including potential spoilers about the books in your comments (and if you need spoilers to make your case, start your comments with: “SPOILER ALERT!”