Darth Lucas and company are less than thrilled with Wicked Lasers’ S3 Spyder Arctic, a new, dangerous hand-held laser that bears a strong resemblance to the Star Wars saga’s lightsabers.
I’m not even exaggerating the danger aspect. The ad copy boasts as much:
“Don’t let the Arctic name fool you, this laser possesses the most burning capabilities of any portable laser in existence. That’s why it’s also the most dangerous laser ever created.”
So do I want one?
Yeah, sort of.
I’ve always wanted a lightsaber. Star Wars came out at exactly the right time to utterly dominate my childhood imagination. It was a religion for me, and the lightsaber was the holiest of all relics. However, just like any faith, when Star Wars burst upon the scene there was an overabundance of false relics.
The late seventies were a special time for barely legal copyright infringement. I kept my Star Wars figures in a “Star World” case – undoubtedly a cheap Chinese knock-off, but I loved the surrealist take on the film’s characters that decorated the case’s cover. Darth Vader has a skirt! Chewbacca has – uh – armor? One of my favorite knock-off toys was a lightsaber knock-off that was basically a flashlight with a semi-opaque plastic tube that screwed on to the lens. I would close the door to the hall and turn out the light, and in the dark I would use my battery-powered weapon to fight Vader – or my poor little sister – to the death.
During the height of the Star Wars craze my local mall had a bunch of guys in costumes come and put on an act and then – get this – sign autographs. R2D2, C3P0, Jawas and Darth Vader were all there. Vader gave a long monologue, the impact of which was ultimately weakened when a Good Old Boy in the audience dared the Dark Lord of the Sith to attack him with his lightsaber. Vader pulled the weapon – a prop coated in reflective tin foil – and knocked off the guy’s cowboy hat. For a kid expecting a decapitation followed by the smell of sizzling flesh it was pretty disappointing. Later, the characters signed publicity photos with magic markers. I’m pretty sure I remember the Jawa one simply reading “Jawas.” Now I think it’s hilarious in a postmodern sort of way…sort of a galactic take on René Magritte’s The Treachery of Images. “Ceci n’est pas une Jawa!”
Really, I probably won’t get the Spyder for a number of practical reason. The description seems to bring “You’ll shoot your eye out, kid!” to vivid and gory life in my already anxious brain, and also my cats love to chase the comparatively feeble red dots projected by laser pointers. I couldn’t imagine the horror and confusion that a blue-tinged blast from the Spyder would cause.
Still, products like these often make me think about how, when or even if a commercial property like Star Wars can be completely absorbed into the communal hive-mind, and what, if anything, that means for copyright laws. When does an idea take on its own life, independent of its creators? Long after society falls, will our descendants enjoy hearing the elders recount the old tribal sagas of the hero Luke, the dark god Darth Vader and the Wise Old Man Yoda? And if so, will they ritually pause between each stanza to recite “Star Wars and All Associated Characters are the Trademarked Property of Lucasfilm….ahhhhmennnnn…..?”
Tip of the hat to Techland.
