The beleaguered Eastern European nation of Ukraine has been in the news a lot lately, and for all the wrong reasons! The Ukrainians had barely caught their breath following a narrowly averted Russian incursion, and now they’ve learned that their future president may be none other than Darth Vader: The Dark Lord of the Sith.
The Sith Lord’s candidacy for president was announced this week by Dmitry Golubov, leader of the Ukraine Internet Party. Golubov said that Vader had defeated other potential nominees and was now the party’s official candidate for presidency. Golubov also mentioned that Vader would require a landing field for his space craft. That could be a major disaster depending on what kind of craft Darth Vader would choose to bring him to Earth. So many choices: Tie Advanced? Maybe a Lambda-Class Shuttle? Oh, man. I hope he’s not going to try to land the Executor.
Golubov stated that the party had paid the required registration fee, and that all was in order. “Stormtroopers” were already handing out information about the candidate at the time of the announcement. Vader promised to bring pride and order to the people of Ukraine in an official statement:
“I alone can make an empire out of a republic, to restore former glory, to return lost territories and pride for this country.”
Despite the heavy imperial presence surrounding the election, the Ukranian people probably don’t have too much to worry about – at least from Vader: The Ukraine Internet Party is well known for all kinds of wild stunts, including many others that they have performed while disguised as Darth Vader and his Stormtroopers.
“Vader” (or an unknown person (or persons) posing as the infamous Star Wars villain) has had a history of political activism in Ukraine. He and his troops have made several appearances at street protests, as well as engaged in aggressive “attacks” against its enemies.
In November 2011, Vader stormed Odessa’s city hall and declared himself Mayor, much to the amusement of local media. The story soon made national headlines thanks to coverage by RT.com, a Russian television news channel with a healthy English viewership.
On February 26, 2013, Vader and his Imperial Stormtroopers marched on the Ministry of Justice in Ukraine to demand that officials accept a copy of the UIP’s political party charter. Vader was not successful, despite his fearsome knowledge of lightsaber combat and Force aptitude. Apparently the Stormtroopers didn’t intimidate the Ministry’s guards, either, even when the Troopers took one of them “hostage”.
On March 5 of the same year, Vader and his troops “raided” a convenience store that they suspected was a front for an illegal drug enterprise. Vader – or one of the Vaders – stated that he was there on the orders of Emperor Palpatine, who had commanded him “…to mercilessly and irreversibly cut the knot of drug dealing: to destroy the shops selling smoking blends and other powders,” Vader stated in an comment to Ukrainian media. “Those guilty of poisoning the nation should be brought to strict account before the Empire.”
Sadly, it appears that Vader’s anti-drug mission is not yet complete. But the space ship will probably show up any day now.