The holiday season is a time when many Star Wars fans punish themselves by watching what is perhaps the single weirdest and most awkward piece of media to ever receive Lucasfilm’s approval. The Star Wars Holiday Special – or as first-time viewers call it, “My eyes!” – was aired once and only once on CBS affiliates on the evening of November 17, 1978. Ever since then, bootleg copies recorded from various CBS stations have been circulating among fans in what can only be described as a cautionary tale. “You didn’t like that book, comic, or TV episode? Guess what buddy, it could be worse. Get a load of this.”
Perhaps that’s an unfair assessment of The Holiday Special. Sure, it introduced us to the term “Wookiee porn,” but what’s television without a little risk, right? Surely this TV special has its redeeming aspects – perhaps there are even some elements that Del Rey could turn into quality literature representing the convergence of Star Wars fandom and holiday spirit. There’s very little holiday-inspired Star Wars material out there in the licensed publishing sphere.
With Christmas just days away (and with the disclaimer that this is all just for fun), join me as I explore the literary possibilities offered by The Star Wars Holiday Special.
The Jolly Spacer: A Star Wars Version of Santa Claus
Remember Saun Dann? Probably not, but I bet if I ask the question another way, you’ll have a different answer. Remember when noted Hollywood actor Art Carney was in The Holiday Special? That’s right, Carney played a trader named Saun Dann who aided Chewbacca’s family as they tried to celebrate Life Day free of Imperial oppression. In my opinion, Carney’s Dann character presents an excellent opportunity to expand on the Life Day tradition and give the rotund trader the starring role he so obviously deserved. What follows is my idea for the premise of a Star Wars holiday novel titled The Jolly Spacer.
Every Life Day, Saun Dann, a jovial Kashyyyk trader, dons a costume and flies around Kashyyyk on his speeder giving presents to well-behaving Wookiee children. His Santa-like alter-ego, known locally as “the Jolly Spacer,” is a freighter pilot who, every three years, conveniently gets “waylaid” on Kashyyyk with a cargo hold full of Life Day presents. The story he tells the natives is that an Imperial Star Destroyer is patrolling the edge of the Kashyyyk system and will ruffle up him and his cargo if he proceeds on his scheduled voyage. He thus decides to avoid trouble with the authorities and stay on Kashyyyk. Arriving at each Wookiee child’s house, he makes a show of giving them pieces of his cargo as gifts, conspiratorially telling them that the shipping company he works for will never find out what happened to their merchandise. “I’ll just say the Empire boarded me,” he tells each one, with a nod to the Rebellion’s most famous smuggler.
A Toast to Justice: The Secret Double Life of Rebel Agent Ackmena
The one thing that no one seems to hate about The Holiday Special is Ackmena, played by renowned actress Bea Arthur. There was something inherently appealing about her style as she closed down Chalmun’s Cantina on Tatooine following an Imperial decree and deflected the advances of a strange bar patron named Krelman. Ackmena, who, like Madonna, is so awesome that she doesn’t need a last name, even made a cameo appearance in Fate of the Jedi: Allies by Christie Golden. It was Ackmena’s appearance in Allies as part of the anti-slavery Freedom Flight movement, along with her displeasure at the Imperial curfew in The Holiday Special, that inspired this book idea. After watching her serve drinks with such a commanding presence, it’s only natural that fans will want to read about her serving justice through her covert activities as part of the Rebel Alliance. Here’s the back cover blurb for the Ackmena-centric novel A Toast to Justice.
Bartending by day, countering the Emperor’s propaganda and sabotaging Imperial facilities by night.
Whether you’re a rowdy Rodian customer or an aide to the Imperial governor, you don’t want to mess with Ackmena. The kindly nightshift bartender of Chalmun’s Cantina has a secret, and no amount of Corellian ale will get it out of her.
Ackmena has been trained to resist more than just the clumsy romantic advances of drunken bar patrons –– her role as a Rebel agent on the desert world of Tatooine requires extreme psychological fortitude.
Her mission is simple: disrupt the Empire’s operations on the remote, sand-swept planet, and recruit cantina-goers in whom she senses the spirit of the Rebellion.
But when an Imperial assassin answering directly to Darth Vader arrives on Tatooine to investigate her recent handiwork, is it closing time for this brave barkeep?
The Race to Save a Wookiee Tree: Or, How The Empire Stole Life Day
Kashyyyk’s famous Tree of Life is central to the hairy beings’ celebration of their planet’s majestic splendor. No Life Day ceremony is complete without Leia Organa belting out (or more accurately, musically strangling) a song named after the tree while she and her Rebel comrades join the Wookiees in matching red Snuggies. So when the Empire uproots and abducts the Tree of Life (and razes many of the planet’s forests) in retaliation for the disruptive actions of Wookiee freedom fighters, chaos ensues on the planet and the upcoming Life Day celebration is canceled. To rescue Life Day, Luke, Han, and Leia must track and board the Imperial Star Destroyer bearing the Tree of Life to Coruscant for a public burning and recover it before the Empire can turn the Wookiees’ most sacred Life Day symbol into a smoldering pile of wood. One imagines an Imperial officer on board the Star Destroyer saying, “It’s tree-arson, then.” (I’m sorry, that was a terrible pun and an awful way to spoof Ian McDiarmid’s chilling line from Revenge of the Sith. I apologize, Emperor Palpatine.)
A Non-Fiction Offering: Lumpawaroo’s Book of Life Day Carols
The recently-closed online game Star Wars Galaxies once featured several Life Day songs to give players a dose of holiday cheer. These songs were not featured in The Holiday Special, which in my opinion is a pity. I can only assume that legions of Star Wars fans would spend the holiday season rejoicing musically in the spirit of Wookiee togetherness if they had a guide to said Life Day songs. With that in mind, I propose the creation of a caroling book that includes lyrics, the history of each tune, and some illustrations for added flair. The book could even have an in-universe equivalent, like a publication compiled by Chewbacca’s son Lumpawaroo as part of a school project. The real-world book would come complete with an embedded chip that provided musical backing for karaoke purposes.
Because these songs come from Star Wars Galaxies, they have a decidedly real-world feel to them: “Christmas Green,” “Here We Come A-Wassailing,” “Jolly Old Saint Nicholas,” “Joyful and Triumphant,” and “Swingalong Santa.” I’m not creative enough to devise better, more “Star Wars-y” names for the carols in this proposed book, but I’m sure that someone else could. In any event, Lumpawaroo’s Book of Life Day Carols would be a welcome addition to any festive Star Wars fan’s collection.
Those are my ideas for holiday-themed Star Wars books. Do you have your own suggestions? Let’s hear them in the comments.
For the crafty: Outside winter fun, Hoth style. Includes Build You Own Hoth Rebel Base instructions, how to make snow angel AT-ATs, and fleece Taun Taun leg warmers for your pet!
The cover blurb to A Toast to Justice reads like a grindhouse trailer narrative. I would actually like to see that in Jackie Brown fashion!
The cover blurb to A Toast to Justice reads like a grindhouse trailer narrative. I would like to see this adapted a la Jackie Brown-fashion.
Many many years passed. still love this amazing movie of \star war\, great thing to every one, thanks!